Tag Archive | Ovulation

OPKs

As I type this, I am waiting backstage with several other members of the orchestra (while the chorus sings their a cappella part of the program).  I’m trapped here in a small room, listening to three people discover that they all have children around 19 months old.  They’re sharing cute, adorable stories about their precious little kids.  And there is NO ESCAPE.

Anyway, on to the real reason I’m posting.  Do any of you have experience with the Clear Blue Easy Digital OPKs?  I like to consider myself an intelligent person, but I’m continually perplexed by the results I get.  It’s supposed to show me my 4 most fertile days, with 2 “high” days and 2 “peak” days.  But every time I’ve used these tests, I get a big fat “0” for two days and then it jumps straight to “peak.”  

When I pull the test sticks out of the holder, I see a variety of things.  Day 1: one line, blue fuzz on the other side.  Day 2: two lines, no fuzz.  Day 3: back to one line with blue fuzz.  The Clear Blue directions say that you can’t tell anything from the lines on the test sticks.

Since my hormone levels test similarly to pre-menopause, I’ve wondered if the OPKs are just kind of useless for me.  With that in mind, we started the sperm depositing yesterday, which is approximately Cycle Day 9.  Historically I’ve ovulated on Day 12, so starting early should be good, right?

My Bathroom Trash is Full of HPTs

[Warning: Graphic Content]

I think I *was* bitten a few days ago, because yesterday I think I had an implantation bleed.

Since it takes a while for the blood to trickle down the cervix, I’ll bet the bleed would have started a day or two later if Kyle and I hadn’t been lubing up for sex. Kyle is very large and I’m a bit hormone-deficient, so thorough lubrication inside and out is 100% necessary. I usually hate having sex during my period, but I figured this was just light implantation spotting, so I was fine with it. Besides, we were cheered up by the thought that I could be pregnant, and therefore more inclined to have sex. Is that creepy? (Kyle is never bothered by menses, which always perplexes me since he’s both visual and squeamish. But no, he’s just always happy to have sex.)

Anyway, from what I’ve read,

implantation occurs 9-16 dpo
implantation bleed happens 6-14 days after implantation (if at all)
blood tests will show hcg 2-3 days after implantation
early response home pregnancy tests pick it up 3-4 days after the blood tests do.

So, I still have a few days before I’m not TOTALLY WASTING MY MONEY ON HPTs. The hpt manufacturers say you can test up to 6 days before the date of your missed period, which really means 5 days before your EXPECTED period. But they don’t actually mean MY expected period. No, they’re talking about an imaginary perfect 28-day cycle with ovulation exactly on day 14. My cycles are 25 days, so according to their assertions, I could have tested positive last Wed. But that’s impossible because that was implantation day.

Does this stop me from peeing on a stick EVERY SINGLE DAY, sometimes twice? Take a guess.

Ovulation Day (a.k.a. The First Day of Waiting)

Magically, I’ve gone from Cycle Day 1 to Ovulation Day in about ten minutes.

In my dreams. If only it were really that fast!

Because it’s the waiting that kills me. Waiting for my period. Waiting for ovulation. The two week wait. Waiting TWO WHOLE MINUTES to read the results on the pee stick.

Waiting for insurance approval. Waiting for the DNA tests for Fragile X. Waiting to start another IVF cycle. Waiting for another appointment with the RE when the IVF doesn’t work.

Then if I’m lucky enough to get pregnant, there’s the waiting for the first blood test results. Waiting for the second and third blood test results. Waiting for the first ultrasound. Waiting until 11 weeks to do CVS testing on the fetus. Waiting 1-2 weeks for the CVS results. Either waiting for the baby to die or waiting for the baby to be born.

Waiting, waiting waiting! And I’m sick of it. I turn 36 on Friday. I don’t have any more time to wait. Hurry up, baby!

Cycle Day 1: Stinky Cheese is a Pitiful Consolation Prize

It’s Cycle Day 1. Again.

[Actually, I got too busy to finish this post, so it’s Ovulation Day now. But I’ll pretend it’s still Day 1 because in the last 3 years, it has been Perpetually Cycle Day 1, something like the movie Groundhog Day.]

This (9/13) is the first Cycle Day 1 since my miscarriage on August 12th. As usual, my emotions are all jumbled.

Of course I’m terribly disappointed that I’m not pregnant. Every time that first speck of blood shows up, I want to cry. Sometimes I do cry and other times I just stare at it for a really long time. Everyone says “you won’t get pregnant right after a miscarriage.” As if that could possibly make me feel better when I wake up 4 mornings in a row to a BFN. I still had my hopes up because I did ovulate and we did have sex at the right time.

My nickname for Kyle is The Man With The Golden Sperm (which must be sung to the Bond movie song, of course) because the IVF lab measured his sperm as having 100% motility. (The nurse could hardly contain herself when she told us this. The norm is somewhere around 40-50%. Thanks for rubbing it in, nurse.) Suffice it to say, his little guys go straight to their target. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. While I am glad that his superhero sperm make up for my “special needs” eggs, it does make me feel even worse about myself whenever a pregnancy doesn’t happen because I know it’s my fault. My body betrays me and I fail Kyle.

The other day Kyle brought up his worry that maybe my eggs and his sperm are fundamentally incompatible. What a horrible, depressing, frightening thought. And there’s nothing I can do to prove otherwise.

On the positive side of this whole Cycle Day 1 thing, I’m relieved that the countdown to ovulation can start again. Luckily my cycle usually resets itself pretty quickly. How sad is it that I know what my body usually does after a miscarriage? The ovulation predictor kit told me I had an LH surge just 15 days after the miscarriage started last month, only a day later than usual. Good job, ovary! Next time, send that egg out with a sexy dress, a few cocktails and directions to Hotel Uterus.

Yes, I’ll have two more weeks to enjoy eating deli meat and stinky cheese, drinking margaritas, taking allergy meds and pain relievers, and generally not worrying about whether or not I might be pregnant. But those things are pitiful consolation prizes. Stinky cheese can go f*** itself.

With the start of a fresh new cycle comes another wave of anxiety and self-induced pressure to GET PREGNANT THIS TIME. In 10 days I’ll start in with the $60 ovulation predictor kits– what a freaking rip-off! Pregnancy tests are ridiculous, too. You cannot tell me that it costs more than 50 cents to make a pee stick, yet they’re sold in boxes of two for $16?

Another precious egg wasted, washed out with the blood. Sadness. Hopefulness. Ending. Beginning. Panic. Relief. Frustration. Lather, rinse, repeat.