Tag Archive | d&e

Empty Stomach, Empty Womb

No food or drink after midnight, the nurses said.

I hate fasting. I really, really hate it. On the car ride down to my D&E, NPR aired a story on gluten free food that made me so hungry I had to change the station. When we arrived at the hospital’s surgical center, the receptionist gave us a buzzer just like we were at a restaurant. The waiting room smelled like french fries and I wistfully watched a woman sip her grande Starbucks drink.

Our buzzer buzzed and we were led to the pre-op room, where I changed into hospital attire and joked about the handy pocket in the johnny. (The “pocket” is actually a quick-access portal to my chest in case of emergency, a nurse explained.) The OR nurses have a completely different vibe from the IVF ones. The IVF nurses always seem a little blasé and patronizing, plus they’re mixed in with the green fellows and interns, who I never fully trust. Here, there were no students– just the nurses, the anesthesiologist and the OB/GYN– and I instinctively KNEW they were good.

I was asked again if I was a medical professional. Sigh. I’m flattered, but no, I’ve just been doing this for a really long time.

The actual procedure was easy, thanks to the expert anesthesiologist. She had me completely out for the exact length of the procedure and no longer. I wasn’t aware of them putting my legs in stirrups, sticking on electrodes, doing the procedure, putting mesh panties and a pad on me, or transferring me back onto the gurney. It is really an exercise in giving up control. Sadly, it must feel like this sometimes for the elderly.

Back in recovery, I woke up crying. One of the nurses was right there beside me with a comforting hand and a box of Kleenex. I’m sobbing now as I remember. She even offered to give me a minute alone before K came back into recovery, which I was relieved about, but alas, K was already on his way in. It’s not that I’ve wanted to hide any emotions from him; I’ve just wanted to be strong for him. This time around, he’s needed to lean on me.

I’ve been happy to be strong for him, but I definitely could’ve done without making my own dinner that night. It p*sses me off and perplexes me that K does NOT have the gene to wait on me hand and foot after a procedure like this. I was STARVING after fasting all day (DUH), but he just didn’t understand that food needed to happen for me RIGHT NOW. So I put some chicken noodle soup on the stove and informed him that he was in charge of bringing it to me when it was ready. I guess that’s as close as I’ll ever get to hand-and-foot. Either way, there’s really nothing better than chicken noodle soup followed by a giant bowl of ice cream. ❤

(By the way, I'm sorry this update took so long. You guys deserved to read something substantial, so I sacrificed speed.)

How I Can Feel Better Today

When I first opened my eyes this morning, my first thought was, “There’s no baby.”  Then as K reached over to comfort me, my second and third thoughts were, “Ohh, poor baby, he feels sad, too,” and, “I’m so lucky to have him.”  My fourth thought was, “How long have our three cats been on the bed, staring at me?  Yikes!”

Then I was faced with a decision:  What should I do today?

My D&E was inconveniently pushed off until Wednesday at 1PM, so technically, there is nothing medical on my schedule today except for a pre-registration phone call at 2:30PM.  Should I take the day off from teaching viola lessons, knowing that I will also have to cancel Wednesday and Thursday’s students because of the D&E?  Or should I keep my usual work schedule so that I don’t just sit here wallowing in self-pity?

So, to help me make that decision, I made a list of things I could do today to feel better.  I’m being very conservative with my ideas, and I’m not putting pressure on myself to complete every item on this list; I’ll only do what feels right at the moment.

How I Can Feel Better Today

1.  Make a list of things I can do to feel better today.  (Check!  I feel better already!)

2.  Cancel as much work as I can for the week, but don’t wallow in self-pity.  Instead, do other things that will make me feel better and help me cope, such as:

3.  Re-read and respond to all your wonderful, thoughtful, touching comments on yesterday’s post.  After my quartet concert last night (which went well despite everything), I was so exhausted physically and emotionally that it was all I could do to read your comments before I conked out.  I honestly slept a little more comfortably knowing that so many people were thinking of me and wishing me well.  A giant thank you to A Calm Persistence for sharing my post with her readership.  🙂

4.  Wash and put away all the dishes and wipe down the counter tops.  Having a clean, uncluttered kitchen makes me feel less lazy and also less embarrassed should we have any last-minute guests.

5.  Take a shower, get dressed and put on a little makeup.  This little bit of advice came from the FLYlady.  It’s surprisingly hard to do on a day like today.

6.  Go buy groceries.  We are out of most staples here.  I’ve often said that grocery shopping is my zen, because I’m not thinking about anything but food.  There is satisfaction in providing sustenance for my family, even if my family right now is just K and our three feline fur babies.  Plus, I NEED ice cream.

7.  Watch the dumba$$ Bachelor on DVR and appreciate that I have already found my soul mate.

8.  Respond to a few emails that have been hanging over my head for a while now.  In each case, I’ve dragged my feet because, basically, I don’t know how to say NO.  Well, people, get ready to read “NO” because that’s what I’m gonna type.  NO, NO NO.  (Just practicing.)

9.  Excuse myself from exercising.  I know, I know… they say that exercise improves a person’s mood.  Well, not today.  Today, NOT exercising is improving my mood already.

10.  Spend 15 minutes cleaning out the garage so I can eventually PARK IN IT.  Home improvement is always my go-to for post-miscarriage or post-IVF healing.  Usually, I want to paint a room or put up shelving, but it feels a little early for that right now.  I’ll start thinking about that after tomorrow’s D&E.  Right now, 15 minutes in the garage seems manageable.

11.  Complete ONE item on my to-do list for the May kickoff concert to my new monthly concert series.  Just one item.  There are like, 50 things on the list, but that is OK.  One item is progress.

12.  Arrange a time for Big Brother Big Sister to pick up the clothes and household items I’ve been wanting to give away.  Every few months they send a truck to my neck of the woods and I can sign up to have them come right to my front door for free.  I feel good about donating to that organization, it’s super convenient, I’m helping needy people, and I always feel positively giddy about getting rid of things I no longer use.  K and I are locked in a never-ending battle over that one… he loves collecting things and hates giving anything away… even trash!  So I just do it without telling him, and he NEVER notices.

If any of you have other ideas on how to cope today and over the next few days, I’m all ears.  ❤