Happy Thanksgiving Tidbits
Thanksgiving with my parents went really well, better than K or I could’ve imagined. It was so fun that I’ll be sad now every time we don’t host. (Thanks to Alton Brown at the Food Network!) Surprisingly, things are finally warming up after six years of my parents’ awkward, passive-aggressive and sometimes mean behavior towards K. (They blame him for leading me astray from the Church. In reality, he rescued me from a cult-like life.)
After they left, I asked K, “Do you think you’ve forgiven my parents for treating you like crap over the years?” Happily for me, he said yes, although he doesn’t “endorse everything they’ve done.” I’ll take it! I want my future children to know my parents, who are loving people but very brainwashed by extreme religion. My childhood with them was very happy… it was my move to independence that killed them. K and I will just have to figure out what to tell our kids about religion… no biggie. (Ha.)
The best thing about the day was that my parents didn’t ask how “adoption” was going. They have their heads in the sand and think that we’re done with TTC ourselves (because they don’t imagine we’ll consider TFMR). They want us to try some adoption agency recommended by Focus on the Family (NO THANK YOU). Maybe my in-laws’ way of never talking about personal stuff isn’t really so bad.
…wasn’t quite as carefree as I’d hoped. Our plan for Wed was to cook everything but the turkey and do all the house-cleaning/decluttering/making-things-presentable-for-guests. I tasked K with peeling potatoes while I cleared the dining room table. The table is where I leave a lot of stuff “to do,” so I cleared it by (gasp!) actually doing those things. Meanwhile I washed, dried, folded and put away about 6 loads of laundry and put away all the painting supplies from our bathroom reno a couple weeks ago. I’ll admit, it took a while, so K kept on cooking.
I wanted to switch places for a while, but we couldn’t because K is incredibly bad at decluttering. So I tried to explain that I wanted his appreciation for making it possible for him to do the fun stuff. Instead, he thought I was accusing him of not letting me cook. He kept saying how every other woman in the world would appreciate that they don’t have to lift a finger to cook, and if I wanted credit for cooking the meal, we could *say* it was a team effort. Grr. I wanted him to THANK me for doing the sh*t he didn’t want to do, not give me his imagined charity. (Since then, we’ve finally resolved this issue; he didn’t realize he had to VERBALIZE his appreciation. Guh?)
Chocolate Pudding Update
Even AFTER the chocolate pudding incident, K made my chocolate cream pies WITHOUT TELLING ME! (I was in the other room folding copious amounts of laundry.) He was just being a dumb boy but he definitely got an earful about that.
And now, the kicker: The two gluten-intolerant family members DID NOT THANK US for making them their favorite pie! In fact, they each took home almost an entire pie, in a beautiful ceramic pie plate, in a special pie carrier, didn’t say thank you, probably won’t return the plates or carriers, and did I mention they didn’t thank us? Next time I’m making the f*cking chocolate pudding and bringing it in a disposable bowl.
My dad had a couple interesting things to say at TG dinner. First, he said that when someone (like my SIL) takes over all the responsibility for hosting, or always insists on paying the restaurant bill, they THINK they are giving everything, but they are actually taking something away from other people who want to contribute.
Then he told us about the first Thanksgiving he and Mom spent together. Dad’s dad, to whom we secretly referred as “Grumpa” because of his short temper, was asked to say a few words. He paraphrased/modified an old proverb about being thankful for your problems:
Say each person writes their troubles down on a slip of paper and throws it into a bowl. The bowl is passed around and everyone pulls out whichever trouble they’d prefer to have. Invariably, they take back whichever trouble they threw in.
That evening we went to K’s family’s house for turkey dinner #2. I understand they’d just started eating when we showed up, but their reaction to our arrival was lukewarm and disappointing. (Thanks, by the way, for not telling us you’re starting without us….)
I’ve decided that there is just too much assumption that happens in K’s famiily. K assumed that dinner would be at my MIL’s, and everyone assumed that we knew the location was changed to my SIL’s house. There was still no actual start time, either, just “later.” Despite everyone being pleasant, there is something funny about the family dynamics that I’m not quite understanding yet.
And the most disappointing part of the day, as I briefly mentioned before, was that AF visited on TG. Luckily I had plenty of distractions that day to keep me from wallowing in self-pity. By now, I’m back in the 2ww, hoping that this will be the month. ❤