OK, so the title has nothing to do with my post today, but I couldn’t think of a title, so I asked K to name a random word and ‘evanescence’ is what he chose. If you feel so inclined to look it up, it is absolutely something that I experienced with my first miscarriage, and it’s totally worth exploring in the future.
I’ve been working on a draft FOR EVER, but it seems that I have so much to say and way too little time to organize my thoughts. That big post is going to have to digest for a while longer before I figure out a palatable way to present it to the world. 🙂
Meanwhile, our poor girl kitty Bernstein leapt off the loft railing in pursuit of a moth, fell to the lower level, and injured her hind leg. The x-rays show no fractures, but she is still in pain 10 days later. The vet refilled her pain prescription today and she is a bit more comfortable but still limping everywhere and sometimes growling if another cat gets too close. Overall, though, I must say she’s been a great patient. She put herself on kitty bed rest and has never lashed out at us when we’ve tried to help. Here she is, looking sad while waiting for the vet:.
In the fertility world, I’m SURE I had implantation spotting one week ago, but after 6 days in a row of negative pee sticks, AF finally arrived today. I might try a Clomid cycle this month. Fingers crossed.
Well, my kitty Bing just curled up in my lap with a vengeance, so I’m taking it as a sign that I should take a moment to write.
This week has been extremely tough for me. Several big work projects piled up for May and I just can’t seem to keep up mentally or physically. I’ve tried to carve out a little bit of relaxation time, but then I just end up feeling MORE anxious about getting everything done and MORE guilty that I’m not doing it. My mental CPU has so many things to process that everything in my head is running slowly and burning out the motor. Infertility always runs in the background, making me less capable of functioning well when presented with other stressors. I need more RAM!
A good friend pointed out that I have a tendency to take on new projects without letting something else go. I do this with work projects, of course, but also with big life changes. For example, getting married and moving into a bigger house requires more housework. Making appointments to try new violas takes time. My new chamber music concert series takes planning. Blogging takes mental capacity. And TTC takes A LOT of time, energy, money, and headspace. I had shaved some things off my schedule, but as evidenced by the way I’ve felt this week, it’s not nearly enough. In the absence of more RAM, I must delete some programs from my system.
Part of my problem is that, since I work mostly from home, my work follows me wherever I go, even when I think I’m relaxing.
Next steps to internal zen: Take less work. Separate work from pleasure! ❤
P.S. I'm sorely disappointed in the NCIS show for what they did with Palmer's infertility storyline. Poof, there is a bun in the oven! Grrrrr.
The genetic counselor called me today to further discuss the fetal DNA results from my miscarriage in February.
She confirmed that the fetus WAS a carrier of Fragile X, but that the real problem was Trisomy 9. Then she went on to give me a few interesting tidbits:
1. Trisomy 9 is the cause of 50% of first trimester miscarriages. (This conflicts with what Dr. Google says about it being “rare”.)
2. Trisomy 9 is completely random; it doesn’t indicate future T9 pregnancies.
3. Trisomy 9 is never compatible with life.
4. Trisomy 9 can be screened out with PGD.
Regarding Tidbit #4, the genetic counselor also mentioned that the hospital has changed its protocol for PGD. Instead of doing Day 3 biopsy and getting the results in time for a Day 5 transfer, they’re now doing Day 5 biopsies and only FET’s. There is some data to suggest that removing a few cells from a Day 5 blastocyst screws ’em up less than taking them from a Day 3 embryo. (But I heard the opposite from the Genesis Genetics lab. Honestly, sometimes I think it’s all bullsh*t.)
So, if we change our minds and decide to do PGD with our next IVF after all, at least we’ll be spared the stress of going to the hospital on Day 5 without knowing if there are any embies to put in. And I’ll be spared the sudden Crinone/Estrace withdrawal I experienced on all four of my IVF cycles! Somehow that makes me feel a little better. ❤