Today’s ultrasound should’ve shown an 8 week baby with a heartbeat. Instead, we saw a 7.5 week baby with no heartbeat. Schrodinger’s baby is dead.
Before the appointment, we had been so careful to guard our emotions, but in the exam room, K couldn’t hide his excitement. Seeing him like that made me want to shield him from experiencing any pain or sadness. I, on the other hand, was expecting the worst. When the scan started, we could both tell right away that there was no heartbeat.
This sad news comes right on the heels of AMAZING news we got this week. According to a brand new Fragile X blood test by Assuragen, the risk of my specific Fragile X Premutation expanding into a Full Mutation is LESS THAN 1%! This makes us feel a whole lot better about conceiving naturally, because now our chances of needing to terminate for full-blown Fragile X are very minimal. If we’d known, we wouldn’t have bothered with PGD.
Unfortunately, this wonderful genetic news unearths new questions about why the frackety fracking frack I’ve had 3 pregnancy losses. If not Fragile X, then what? Well, today our RE reminded us that Fragile X prematurely depletes a Carrier’s ovarian reserve, so my eggs are crap. “Your healthy 36-year-old body has the eggs of a 43-year-old,” she said. My decrepit ovaries are probably producing embryos with a host of OTHER chromosomal/developmental problems besides Fragile X.
We have a D&E scheduled for tomorrow. They will test the baby for chromosomal abnormalities. Meanwhile, I have to hold it together for a quartet concert tonight (“the show must go on”). Thank you so much, dear readers, for your support. ❤