Go in Peace

What I can only assume is the first miscarriage cramp happened just now, across the top of my uterus, for about 30 seconds. Maybe I’ll be lucky and get through the worst of it this weekend. There hasn’t been any bleeding yet, just a slight bit of pinkish staining. I have begun traveling with a stash of super maxi pads and adult diapers in my purse.

One thing I forgot to mention earlier was that I demanded a progesterone test this time. It was normal. The nurse said we can definitely rule that out as a potential cause for the miscarriage. Most likely, this baby died because it had Fragile X.

Dinner with our 8-month pregnant friends tonight actually wasn’t that terrible. The guys ended up monopolizing the conversation with job interview stories, so aside from having to see my sweet petite friend with a big baby bump, our evening was thankfully baby-lite.

We bought our fancy new LED TV, which, sadly, won’t be delivered until Monday. Gypped of the full retail therapy experience!

Pregnancy loss could be the worst reason to decide in the world to adopt a third cat, but nevertheless we put in an application today for a really nice adult male. We met him just before Christmas and haven’t been able to forget him! So maybe our little family of fur babies will grow even if our human family is on hold.

Despite being emotionally numbed, I feel sad, but also grateful that our embryo lived, however briefly. I’m grateful that my body hosted our little embryo as long as it did. I’m grateful that our baby didn’t suffer and only knew the comfort of my womb. And I’m grateful that we weren’t forced to make any heartbreaking decisions 6 weeks down the road.

Go in peace, little one. You will always be loved. ❤

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