Archive | January 2014

Maybe there’s hope for me yet?

On Christmas, I started my 6th menses since my miscarriage in August. I took that one pretty hard, not in the sad, crying sort of way, but in the resigned “this really might never happen for me” kind of way. I also needed a break from thinking about fertility, which meant taking a break from blogging.

Then I started thinking about getting a second opinion before I hang up my hat, maybe having all the diagnostics re-taken and getting some fresh eyes on our case. It was the only thing on my New Year’s Resolutions list: Call New R.E.

Upon more reflection, though, I decided to pitch my ideas and questions to my own RE first and if I didn’t like what she said, THEN I’d go get a second opinion.

I emailed my RE with three questions, and she was nice enough to call me the same day with answers. She complimented me on my “well-informed questions, as usual.” 🙂

Q: Would there be any physical reason (other than hormones and bad eggs) that this hasn’t worked? [I was concerned that there could be some scar tissue or tube blockage preventing the sperm and egg from meeting.]
A: Probably not. It seems likely that the ovarian failure associated with Fragile X carriers has finally caught up with you even in natural cycles now. [She also listened to my complaints about Digital OPKs and agreed that they won’t be useful to me any more. Hormones are too messed up.]

Q: Would a diagnostically monitored cycle or an IUI be something to consider? If so, we’ll make an appointment, but only if you think it’s worthwhile to pursue. [My idea here was that we could monitor or even stimulate my ovulation and time our sex more exactly, or we could try an IUI. Watching the hormones afterward seems like a good idea, too.]
A: Yes, they are absolutely good options. The insurance company will almost certainly deny coverage for an IUI, though, since you’ve already demonstrated clinical need for IVF. But Clomid would be covered. It might improve your chances slightly (5%) over natural conception.

Q: We have three frozen embryos. One has Fragile X and the other two came back with no data. Are those two no-data embryos worth trying, now that we’re willing to terminate if necessary? We have 1 month of storage left.
A: Actually, the two no-data embryos are middle-of-the-road quality. I’ve seen many births come from embryos like these, including my own two children. So that could definitely be an option.

In our phone conversation, we also discussed IVF without PGD, which she thought was a good option, too. So, we came up with a plan.

The Plan:

1) Clomid, which I can try as many as 4 times on this prescription. I’ll take two pills every morning on days 5-9 of my cycle, and we’ll have sex every other day from Days 10-20. I’m already past that part of my cycle, so I’ll have to start next month.
2) If Clomid doesn’t work, we can use the two frozen embryos for an FET. We’ll go ahead and pay for another year of storage. We’d have to test for Fragile X at 11 or 12 weeks.
3) If the FET doesn’t work, we can do another IVF but not damage the embryos with PGD. Again, we’d have to test for Fragile X at 11 or 12 weeks.

Then she said, “Of course, that’s assuming you don’t get pregnant this month on your own.”


Meanwhile, we hosted a party of K’s college buds over MLK weekend. Of the 6, all are married. Three couples have two boys, one couple has one boy. That would have been hard enough, but you guessed it… the last remaining couple announced her pregnancy at the party. Leaving just us. There were several sidelong glances in my direction. K had to leave the room for a moment to collect himself.

After the party, K and I had an important talk: let’s start the adoption paperwork. It was the first time we’d felt truly serious about adoption; before then, it was just an option. We can continue to try various fertility treatments, but we’ve accepted that they probably won’t work. The focus now will be adoption.

So I went to the drugstore, where I filled my prescription for Clomid and bought a new tube of (outrageously expensive) Pre-seed. I bought a single box of FRER just for the heck of it. (They forgot to use the coupon on the box AGAIN… so annoying.) It was mid-day, so I tried to wait until the next morning to POAS with FMU. But I was compelled. If there is a stick, I must pee on it.

Nothing registered -no surprise- so I left and made myself a cup of coffee. A few minutes later I went back to throw the test away, and there it was…. a second pink line. Clear. On day 20 of my cycle, no less. It’s been 5 days now and I haven’t bled yet.

Maybe there’s hope for me yet. ❤