Facilitator, Translator, Defender (Or, The Best R.E. Ever)

A few days after they said they’d donate their DNA to help test our embryos for Fragile X, my parents reneged until my husband Kyle and I could have a conversation with them.

The problem was, I was not emotionally capable of having the kind of conversation I knew they wanted. They’d want to challenge me about whether or not life begins at conception. I was afraid of telling them that I had made peace with the fact that our baby’s life would begin in a Petri dish and we would have to discard our unhealthy embryos. So I wrote a long email explaining why I felt it was OK. I tried to answer my dad’s questions and anticipate any future toughies, too. I spent so much time on it and my logic really seemed air-tight to me.

So when my dad wrote back saying that I hadn’t answered any of his questions, I was confused.

It was right around that time that my parents called my reproductive endocrinologist and grilled her about her religious beliefs. How the hell they managed to get ahold of her during the day like that, I have no idea, because I certainly cannot! But wow, Dr Avery was a champ. She grew up in a serious Catholic family herself so she understood these questions. They asked about her views on abortion; she said that while she personally does not perform them, she believes there are definitely many circumstances that would warrant one. They asked her how she could reconcile IVF with Christianity; she quoted, “Be Fruitful and Multiply.” They expressed exasperation that I wouldn’t talk to them; she explained that infertility is so emotional that sometimes a person just can’t talk about it.

My parents gave their blood samples and cheek swabs the very next day.

Dr. Avery received a very large gift basket from me that same day.

“Well, I can see why you have trouble talking with your dad,” she said. “He’s a pretty intimidating guy!” And she meant it. Dr. Avery: Ass Kicker, intimidated by MY dad?

More like Dr. Avery: Translator from English to God-speak.

5 thoughts on “Facilitator, Translator, Defender (Or, The Best R.E. Ever)

  1. WOW. If that’s not a glowing recommendation for an RE, I don’t know what is – an the complete opposite of the one we had (and are, obviously, no longer seeing). Good for you! 🙂

    • Sorry to hear that you didn’t have a great experience with your RE. And I’m so sorry for your losses. I read your most recent post just now, and what you said about wondering why your husband stays around when you feel you’re “broken” really resonated with me. I’ve actually talked with my husband about that very topic, and lucky for me he has no plans to seek healthier eggs. 🙂 I think the emotional depth we’ve gained from living through these losses proves that we’re not broken; instead, we’ve stretched our hearts so that they are now capable of holding even more. Hugs!

      • That’s a very good way of putting it. My husband feels the same way – I think it’s just in my head. Sometimes I think it’s so unfair – so many men who don’t care about their kids, leave their wives etc. My husband will make a great father, if only this much hoped for blessing actually comes around 🙂

      • Believe me when I tell you that I’m grateful for that each and every day, despite the obvious emptiness in our lives. I don’t know how some women do this alone…

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