The Struggle to Find Support, Part 1: Friends

My friends are the greatest. In the first year or so of this Fragile X journey, they listened to me until I was blue in the face and their ears had fallen off. I found incredible support from my close friends, and so often I would find a kindred spirit in someone who originally wasn’t a close friend.

However, when the same issues stretch on, as they have for almost 3 years now, I feel guilty for burdening them. Childless friends get tired of hearing it. All but one of the women I bonded with over fertility issues have babies now, so now both of us feel badly when we talk about it. Then there are the people who don’t agree with you; those friendships are so tricky to navigate.

So Kyle and I vowed to stop sharing anything except with one couple, both of whom have been supportive of every fertility decision we’ve made. And even with them, we barely talk about it. They are willing to listen but not be nosy or throw a pity party.

It’s been liberating to go about my day without someone calling, texting, or emailing me to ask how many eggs we retrieved, how many days until my pregnancy test, or in my parents’ case, if we’ve tried X, Y, or Z adoption agency instead. At long last, there are long stretches of time when I’m not thrown back into the abyss of our fertility struggles every 5 seconds.

While we did shut out potential support from our friends and family, we also shut out the external pressure and judgement that make this journey even harder.


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